even more

I guess I have a lot to say tonight. I forgot to include something else about Thursday's class. The caks have been very difficult to me. I'm not really proud of asking if their was a western music equivalent to the cak patterns that we were working on. I may be a hypocrite for saying this, but I don't really like the idea of forcing western ideals on others and other cultures. I wasn't intentionally doing anything of the sort. However, I also have to recognize that all I really know are Western ways of doing things. This makes it difficult for me to get out of the western box in terms of views, learning, and doing. I like to think that it is great that I am at least recognizing this. I continue to try to expand beyond the Western box so that I am not limited by it and I don't offend anyone by staying in it. However, I also don't want to be or think I am something I am not. I know my background and I can't be ashamed of it. I wrote a blog last semester about the fact that I had been ignoring my 3/4 white/western heritage. I can't ignore it and I can't wish I wasn't. Sometimes I am frustrated that I was raised the way I was and that I have the heritage I do. I have to sit with the fact that I both have relatives who had to endure the Trail of Tears and relatives who were probably on the other side of this awful event. However, I need to put a positive spin on these things: try to learn from these events and be grateful I didn't personally have to experience it. Well, I have strayed quite a ways from my original point. I guess my point is that this class is really asking me to do things that will take a lot of effort. Effort to both alter my way of thinking (such as stop forcing Western music theory to the caks) and to sit with the fact that I will be frustrated from not being able to do everything correctly. I will continue to try.